Pretty

Sometimes I believe in fate. Like when I meet someone I feel I'd like to meet again, I most of the time don't make any effort to make sure that would happen. No phone numbers, etc. Just trusting that if I was meant to see them again somehow it will happen. I may pay slightly more attention to invitations from mutual friends or what not, but I generally don't go out of my way. Sometimes this works. Most times I never see that person again and move on no worse for wear.

Sometimes fate is a bastard and says you can't get away that easy. Fate says, you will have to change your ways.

About a year ago my mom said she had been asked to housesit and cat-sit at her good friend M&M's place in the french countryside. She said she wouldn't do it alone. I thought, what a great thing it would be to sit out in the country not paying rent, getting to know my mom again and we could both write, like we've been at each other to do since 1992.

I said I'd come over and do it with her. She said she would ask M&M about that. The chain of events that led from that innocent conversation to me sitting here looking out the window at the surrounding little village with quaint tiled roofs and the 11th century chateau that is lit up all night by the proud townsfolk, squarely in the window above the desk, is probably not that interesting to you.

I'd simply like to highlight some events that happened during the last frantic months of me taking this leap into unknown spaces, as if I was a recent college graduate with nothing better to do. These events I take as signs telling me to get over my old life and be prepared for whatever is to come.

1. August 18, 2008. My car was parked innocently on a Brooklyn street corner when an infamous Car service car ran a red light, hit a car then bounced into mine, caving in the driver side. The insurance racket of america took over at that point and totaled a perfectly good vehicle. One which had given me great pleasure but was going to be an issue in terms of care and money while I was away. Instead, I've been payed out, the stock market plunged and green energy is the wave of the future.
I don't have to make payments or worry about expensive (and soon to be obsolete) fuel costs. I let go of the possession, in my mind, and found peace with the loss of something that was only "stuff" after all.

2. September 26, 2008. I went to a good friends wedding in California and reconnected with an array of folks who I used to know at a more innocent time in all our lives. It was beautiful. Made me think of what we had planned for ourselves and where we had ended up and confirmed for me that I've made the right choice in taking this break from ambition in NYC.

3. Lost my company issued Blackberry at the same wedding. Took it as a sign that I don't need to be in constant communication with the world.

4. October 5, 2008. Lost my wallet on a Paris street which I took as a sign that I was losing my mind since this happened once before in Williamsburg. No excuses, just fell out of pocket. And both times some kind soul found it and reached out to me to return it. In NYC a bike-riding hipster from Billyburg and in Paris, a hardworking Arab student. I let go of the idea of possessions again.

I know I'm lucky. Lucky in the small things. Lucky I wasn't in my car when it was hit. Lucky two nice people gave me back my wallet. Lucky I didn't need that silly phone. Lucky that I have so many great friends. Forgiving friends. Lovely friends.

I want to be lucky in the larger things too. Lucky like Jason and Kate. Lucky like anyone who has found peace of mind with their endevaours in life. I look around and I can't complain, I've had a good time in general, living. But I'm looking for the icing on the cake, as we all should.

I'm looking at the signs and they're telling me the best days are still ahead. Don't try so hard to hold onto memories and things of the past. I'm agreeing with the signs and this is a major shift in my outlook. Proust had nothing on me in terms of nostalgia. But I'm ready to move forward. Have been for awhile I suppose, but now I can feel the actual motion.

To be continued...